Any form of education, I think, pays dividends all throughout your life. And I've often said that therapy was the best education I ever received, and I got it through the navy. You know, "socialized medicine."

The last couple of years have been kind of a mess for me. I find myself, today, a bit at sea, often depressed.

When I retired from working life in 2013, I became more active in my condominium community. We had a building burn down in 2015 and that kept me busy for over a year.

In 2016, Trump got elected and I became more politically engaged, joining Democratic Party, running for an elected position in 2018 (unopposed, so I got the job). I leveraged that position to try to engage with local elected officials regarding sea level rise.

I attended a regional program for citizens interested in some form of public service, the Northeast Florida Regional Leadership Academy. I met some very wonderful people and learned a great deal about northeast Florida.

In 2020 I was persuaded to run for state representative for my district, during the height of the pandemic. I was advised by one of the people asking me to run to be content with just getting my name on the ballot. In hindsight, that would have been the wisest thing to do in terms of the emotional experience.

I learned a great deal, but it was emotionally exhausting. It compelled me to quit Facebook, and I had little empathy or respect for my fellow human beings. I don't know what it is about social media that makes many people believe that it's a license to be the worst versions of themselves. Perhaps I exhibited some of that as well.

I worked with my county party for part of 2021, capturing what I'd learned in a handbook that could be used by other candidates. Even that exercise was somewhat frustrating and futile. After that, I pretty much disengaged from political activity at the local level.

I remained engaged on Twitter though. I'd acquired a modest following of active local users, and I took some satisfaction in offering acidic commentary on the faithless and feckless Republicans who governed Jacksonville, and supported the candidacy of Donna Deegan, both rhetorically and financially.

After Donna was elected last July, I deleted my Twitter account. I miss many of the people I interacted with on the platform, but I don't miss much else. I think leaving Twitter has been a net-positive for my mental health.

So I've done little in the last two years, other than contribute money and invective, and the occasional good letter to the editor.

Also during the period since 2013, I started a new relationship with a woman I love and married in 2017, six years ago today. We remodeled my condo, went on to sell it, and in 2019 bought the place we're living in today.

So much of my social network was related to proximity to my neighbors. My closest friends have all moved farther away than I did. One of my closest friends turned out to be less of a friend than I'd thought, and that was also profoundly disappointing.

I discovered that many of my neighbors here are Trumpers of one kind or another. I've been cautious to engage socially with many of them. That is slowly improving, as we cultivate a small network of compatible neighbors.

Add to all this the growing evidence of catastrophic climate change, our utter failure to grapple with it, the conflicts in Ukraine and now Israel, the continued presence of Donald Trump on the political stage, and it's, well, depressing.

So I've been kind of floundering around, feeling sorry for myself, feeling angry, mostly feeling a bit at a loss for what to do.

Not that there's want for distractions. I noodle around with old calculators, and emulated old computers. I break the marmot and fix it. I carry the camera around and hope for something different to see.

But it's not enough, and I'm unhappy.

Yesterday I attended the weekly Tinderbox meetup. A young woman was presenting on how she used Tinderbox to manage her goals.

As a technical exercise, it was interesting. Her overall process involves other apps besides Tinderbox, and she showed us how she makes good use of them.

It prompted questions in my mind as to how she decided about which goals to pursue at any given time. I asked her if there were any other apps or documents that she used in helping to identify those specific goals, and it turns out, not so much.

I've played with setting goals and tracking them. It's never been something I felt I'd accomplished, certainly nothing that became a part of my life.

But something about yesterday's conversation prompted me to think about goals as being an aid to living an intentional life. Which is apparently what I'm lacking at the moment.

So to wrap up what might otherwise become an interminable rumination, this all prompted the memory of Sandy's voice (Sandy was my therapist for many years.), "What's your plan?"

Itself an intentional question, designed to clarify who is responsible for solving a particular problem or issue, to promote the idea of agency.

We're headed out this afternoon for a couple of nights at a local hotel to celebrate our anniversary. But when we get back, I'm going to give some thought to where I am, and where I'd like to be.

And to try to come up with a plan.