Mitzi's mom passed away yesterday morning. Not to be all L'Étranger or anything. She was 94 and had been declining in recent months, entering hospice care at her memory care facility a couple of weeks ago.

I was going to call this post, "I'll See Myself Out," but that's a little darker than I feel. Only a little.

I'm at that point in my life where I have no grand ambitions. That foolish effort at running for public office kind of put the nail in that coffin.

Which is fine. Not having "lofty goals" leaves more time for considering the little ones. The art of "chop wood, carry water." Kind of a lofty goal itself, in a sense.

Mostly what I want to achieve in the time I have left shuffling on mortal coils is to do the least harm, and try to be as kind as I can be. Both are challenging.

I'm seeing more and more people writing about the climate crisis and sustainability, which is not unexpected. That will continue to increase as the scope and severity of the unfolding catastrophe become increasingly plain to even the most benighted minds. It's hard to thread the needle on this one.

On the one hand, I'm enamored with the idea of hopepunk. To me, it accepts the reality of the situation, it's not kidding anyone. There's a certain humility underlying it, that we might be wrong and maybe we can land this plane safely after all. Certainly, there's little else that might be considered a better use of our time. We do our best, because our best is what's called for in this situation.

On the other hand, it's hard to know what to think about other people. And still "be kind," I mean.

The folks who support Trump don't think of themselves as "bad people." I think they're horrible people. But how does that help either them or me? I don't know how to change their minds. I'm not even sure their minds can be changed. One day, they'll all be "good Germans" ("good Republicans"), but for now "the left" is worse than anything Trump represents, and they think he's their best hope for saving us all from "the left." It's Nazi Germany all over again, and likely what took place in Hungary and Israel and Britain and Argentina and everywhere else radical right-wing regression has taken hold.

I think that's the best I can do in trying to get inside their minds and understand why they're doing this. They aren't genuinely evil people, but we know that genuine evil doesn't require genuinely evil people. Just folks who are lonely, or scared, or angry. Does kindness fix all of that? When?

One new blogger I discovered lives in a tiny house and has what appears to be a relatively sustainable lifestyle. And he also appreciates the challenge we face. But he also likes "naming and shaming." I happen to think that's fair to do to politicians and billionaires, but random "little people" who post something that might seem oblivious in this time of peril, well, "Don't be a Karen," I guess. (Sorry, Karens. It's the idiom we swim in.)

We can't all extricate ourselves from the culture we grew up in. Some of us probably can. Take a vow of poverty, shed most property and pleasures, atone for the harm we've inflicted. But most of us don't have that degree of will or insight, or fierce commitment. I know I don't.

Which is why I'm still buying plastic disks because I think Christopher Nolan is right, even if it doesn't matter in the mid-term. Not a lot of them, and I do so far more mindfully than in years past. But I still buy them.

I'm looking at mayonnaise recipes. It's nearly impossible to buy mayonnaise in glass jars anymore. All plastic. Mitzi made some mayonnaise a few months back. I didn't like it. At all. So I'm going to take that on and figure out how to make mayonnaise I like, in small enough batches that it'll keep in the fridge until it's used up.

I read that article about the confusion many of us have regarding what the changes are that can have the most impact in reducing the harm our lifestyles inflict on the planet and all the living things we share it with. A bit of low-hanging fruit that had eluded me was shampoo. So I've ordered some shampoo in bar form. Also learned Mitzi's daughter has been using that for years now. Smart girl. I'm going to finish the bottle of dandruff shampoo in the shower first. I should have looked into dandruff shampoos in bar form. But I'll use the ones I have up first. It's not essential anyway.

I'm pleased to say I've never bought "body wash." I'm an Irish Spring sort of guy, though I'm sure the fragrance and coloring pose their own problems.

Every morning I fill up a carafe that connects to a Soda Stream CO2 charger to make the carbonated water in which I'll add some syrup to make my caffeine delivery system of choice. I think I've mentioned before that I try to be mindful while filling the carafe that I have clean drinking water, and many people don't. Even in America.

That practice has evolved into a prayer. Can't say why. Early childhood indoctrination I suppose. But I pray for Gaza, I pray for Ukraine, I pray for my kids. Enough time for a couple of Hail Marys while the bottle's being filled. I think of them and offer my wishes for sanity to return and the hate and harm to cease. Does it do any good? I don't know. Probably not. But if "everything's connected," if "there's more here than meets the eye," than maybe that little moment means something. I don't know.

In any event, the current plan is to use the present inventory of syrups in the pantry and then perhaps stop drinking soda entirely. When we were in Charleston a couple of weeks ago, I didn't have any soda for a couple of days. Didn't seem to offer any particular problems. If I do, I'll have to find another ritual in which to offer up my prayers.

One of my neighbors is reading a book about evangelical Christians and extremism. He keeps texting me that I have to read this book. I finally told him that my existential dread locker was full. That for my own mental health, I have to choose to ignore some things.

It'd be hard to focus on improving my efforts in "chop wood, carry water," if I was suicidally depressed.

We do our best. The rest is not up to us.

Originally posted at Nice Marmot 06:35 Monday, 8 January 2024