I mentioned the other morning that I watched Hallelujah again, and that something Leonard Cohen had said struck me, and I paused the video and wrote it down.
Another thing that struck me was something he said in an interview, either the same or another one, about the "urgency" he was feeling at that time in his life. He said something about a desire "to complete one's work."
I retired in 2013 because it was clear to me that my time was more valuable to me than what my employer was prepared to pay me. And I was fortunate enough to have a pension that met my basic needs, with a little to spare. Today, drawing Social Security and being married ("two can live as cheaply as one"), I'm not "rich" but I have plenty to spare after meeting my basic needs. Which is why I do more in the way of charitable giving than I have previously. And to political campaigns I believe in.
Anyway, "one's work," rang a little bell. When I watched that Schwarzenegger documentary series, I recall also being similarly struck by something he said about being "useful."
For much of the time I've been retired, I've tried to be "useful." I was the president of my condo association, and I spent about a year of unremunerated effort managing the reconstruction of a >$2M, 20-unit building. They were my neighbors, and many some were my friends. I was glad when it was over, and I'd probably never do something like that again, but it was rewarding "work." (That price reflects only the "common property," basically everything up to the drywall. The total value of the building after all the interiors were finished was significantly greater.)
After I was kind of overthrown by a backroom cabal of investor owners, one of whom was, I thought, one of my best friends, I had a lot more time on my hands. I began to get involved in local efforts to address the climate crisis; and after 2016, local politics. I ran for an elected office, Soil and Water Conservation District, got the seat because I ran unopposed; and I attended a lot of meetings and presentations, trying to educate myself and geting to know the players.
Because I'd made some relatively significant contributions to one of our local candidates, I became better acquainted with some of the influential figures within the local Democratic Party. Eventually I was approached to run for another office, State Representative, as part of a larger effort in the state to contest every office.
That was a very educational experience, and no fun at all. I'm nearly four years out from that, and only now are the feelings beginning to fade to the point where they don't inform my opinions as strongly. I learned a lot, but like the rebuilding project, I'll never do it again.
After the election, I spent some time with the county party drafting a candidate handbook, a product the state party should have created and provided to all candidates in the first place. Even that was, in many ways, a frustrating experience. And once it was done, I largely ceased any personal involvement in local activities, except for supporting Donna Deegan's candidacy for mayor of Jacksonville. Her election last summer marked my departure from Twitter, another mostly toxic experience.
Apart from that, for the past few years I've been doing, mostly, nothing.
But Leonard and Arnold spoke to me, and I've at least started thinking about what it is I ought to be doing while I'm here, taking up space and breathing valuable oxygen.
I'm still a dad. And a grandfather. I'm not quite sure exactly what that entails when it comes to adult children, but mostly I think it's being available and accessible and checking in from time to time, reminding them that I love them. Caitie has rather serious anxiety while flying, so I make myself available by text when she's in the air if she needs to reach out to someone. Mostly my job is to reassure her it'll be all right, and make bad "dad jokes."
Because I donate to some environmental, conservation and planning organizations, I get a lot of emails about webinars and get-togethers and meetings and presentations. That stuff arrives via email, and I didn't "process" email when I "read" it. Mostly, I made a "mental note" to go back and look at something and see if it was something I wanted to sit in on, or attend. Inevitably, I'd remember it after the event.
So Captain's Log is already proving useful, as I can sit down first thing in the morning and "process" the email I'd logged that I wanted to review. It's in a handful of "log entries," instead of a seemingly interminable list that grows before my eyes as I'm trying to think about it.
As of this morning, I'm registered for four webinars, I've purchased tickets for a social event and added a public meeting on resiliency to the calendar next month while Mitzi is away and there are no car conflicts. That's what made this morning's review of everything since Monday feel more like a chore. Daily review is probably the way to go.
Anyway, all of this was intended to be the prelude to what I really wanted to blog about. I've written over 800 words in this post, so I'll wrap this up by noting that Tinderbox is helping me to figure out what my "work" is, and helping me find ways to "be useful."
Originally posted at Nice Marmot 20:18 Friday, 15 March 2024